Tag Archives: child custody

Co-Parenting Helps Raise Emotionally Healthy Children

Maintaining a good relationship with your ex for the sake of raising your children together is not always easy.  It is simpler to walk away from your ex and think of them as a distant memory the minute the divorce decree is signed but this is not as easy for those who share custody of a children.  In order to live with your ex on a daily basis it is crucial to learn how to cope with them on a regular basis.  A good relationship with your children’s father after your divorce takes a lot more commitment and effort on your part than your marriage ever did.  In order to do this there are five basic reminders to live by.  Living by these five rules on a regular basis will lead you to the happiest life possible for you and your children.

All animosity between the two of you should be left behind: With any life change, especially divorce comes a period of transition.  Your life has been changed and now you are left to lead the type of life you truly want to.  This will start a while new chapter for you, your ex and your children.  Leave the resentment and past problems right where they are.  The past is the past and the present is yours to define with your ex and the children shared between the two of you.

Don’t worry about the stigma of divorce: When a couple gets married and divorced at a young age the thought is that the marriage was rushed into. The stigma is that you were not as mature as older adults who marry later in life.  Marriage takes a commitment along with a lot of hard work; it is not for many couples no matter how young or old they are.  Having children makes marriage a whole lot more work as well no matter how old you are when you get married and settle into having children.  Don’t let other peoples judgments create your story.

Don’t make our friends and family chose sides:  When a divorce takes place it is important to ensure your family and friends that there is no need to take sides.  This is especially important when it comes to co-parenting.  The families remain a vital part of your children’s lives and therefore will remain a part of yours and your ex’s.  Do your best to foster this and grow a relationship with all of the people in your children’s lives.

Don’t forget to be flexible and respectful:  If your children want to babysit the dog they shares with your ex while he is away on a business trip allow for a change of plans.  If your ex needs to switch days he is with your son, do so without a hassle.  This will foster a better relationship between the two of you and make the times you need help a bit easier for him to return the favor and help you.  Plus it shows your children there can be a win-win situation in a divorce.

No matter how turbulent your divorce was it is time to write a new future with your ex for the sake of your children.  Keep an outlook that focuses on the benefits of co-parenting. Divorce attorneys will tell you that a positive, fresh outlook on co-parenting while leaving the dust of the divorce to settle is in the best interest of all parties.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

What To Expect As A Modern Woman Going Through A Divorce

No one is an expert when it comes to divorce. Every divorce is unique and offers a different set of challenges. There are however common bonds that, frequently made mistakes and unexpected results that all occur in one form or another when women are going through the divorce process. In this installment divorce attorneys share some information that has been shared with them to help get women through their divorces both financially and emotionally.

Not only does the divorce itself take awhile the finality of it tends to take a long time to recover from. This is natural and should be taken in stride. You will recover from your divorce. It may take you a longer period of time than it did your best friend, your sister or co-worker but it will happen. There will be days you can barley function while others where you are concurring the world. Surround yourself with a variety of support systems and continue to move through the process until one day you wake up and it is not the first thing you think about.

The divorce attorney you choose is important. Don’t settle for a criminal defense attorney, a probate attorney or any other type other than a family law attorney that specializes in divorce, child custody, alimony with a focus on women’s rights in divorce. A local divorce attorney specializing in family law will get you a better settlement than anyone else. They are versed in divorce proceedings, local judges and other local attorneys. They will work the system to make sure you come out on top.

Dig into your finances. Don’t let your spouse tell you what you have and what you don’t have. It is important to gain access to all financial documentation that either one of you possesses. So many divorces occur because of financial disagreements. Before you even file or your spouse gets wind that you plan to leave start to organize and access all of your joint accounts and all of the single accounts you both have. Online passwords should be documented along with the name and account number of all accounts that are held by either of you or jointly. The more information you gather the better off you will end up financially once the marriage dissolves.

Consider how much it will cost you to live independently. The well being of you and your children will depend a lot on the financial aspect of the divorce. Estimate high on living expenses and such. Don’t let the emotions of the divorce get in the way of ensuring that you are your children will continue to live the lifestyle you have become accustomed to. Keep in mind incidentals that may not be able to be kept after the divorce such as health care. If your spouse is currently carrying insurance on you and the kids it needs to be specified that this will continue or that they will compensate the loss out of pocket.

The goal in any divorce is to split from one another. It is not important who is at fault and trying to get back at one another only leads to more problems in the end. Leave the complicated stuff to the divorce attorneys to work out and start fresh. Your ex will more than likely be willing to comply with what you are asking for if the proceedings are coming along without a lot of drama. Both parties are looking for a clean break and a fresh start to move on. Your divorce frees you from any obligation you had to your spouse. It is a perfect time to head out into the world and become the you that may have been oppressed in your marriage.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Women Should Know This Before They Get Divorced

There are so many feelings that occur when getting divorced.  It is important to consider even the most unexpected situations to better prepare yourself for what can happen after your divorce is finalized.  Here are the top issues that women have shared about their experiences during and after their divorce.

Recovery May Take Longer Than You Thought:  Even the strongest of women admit they have a hard time functioning after a divorce.  Every person going through a divorce heals at their own pace.  Some women bounce back immediately while others take years to get back to living on their own.

Choose Your Divorce Attorney Wisely: Choose an attorney that specializes in family law.  A divorce attorney is the best option to handle your divorce.  Sometimes a criminal attorney will take on a divorce case.  This is not your best option when choosing an attorney.  A family law attorney specializing in divorce is the best option in getting the best possible settlement.

Dig Into All Finances Both Individual and Joint:  Many divorces, actually about forty percent, center around finances.  When you are getting divorced it is important that you get all of the information pertaining to your finances both individually and together.  Gather information on all of the accounts held within the home.  Figure out what payments are made automatically and where money is invested.  The more you know, the more your attorney can get for you in a settlement.

Determine What Future Living Expenses Will Be:  It is important to be financially set once the divorce occurs.  Your well being, as well as the well being of your children is of the utmost importance.  Gather an estimate of what you believe the current cost of living is before the divorce proceedings begin.  You need to know what you will have to have in the future to maintain the lifestyle you are accustomed to.

Consider Unexpected Costs:  It is never easy to think about the future expenses that may arise but when going through a divorce it is important to do just that.  An account is needed to assist with unexpected expenses that occur during and after the divorce proceedings.   It is important to have a savings that covers three months of expenses upon separation and divorce.

Hurting Your Ex Usually Backfires: Hurting your ex in turn hurts your children.  Anything you say or write is out there forever and always for your children to see or hear.  Be careful when talking about your ex.  Kill them with kindness over trashing them.  In the long run you will end up in a better position than if you choose to bash them.

Your Kids Will Hide Their Feelings From You:  Kids are notorious for saying they are fine when in fact nothing about them is okay.  The behavior of your children will change after they experience their parents divorcing.  Younger children may become clingy and want to sleep with you.  Older children may start disobeying and acting out in more dangerous ways.  Whatever your child does it is important to see it and address the situation with care and understanding.  A counselor or family therapist is incredibly helpful to assist children in working through their feelings and getting to a point of acceptance.

Divorce Is Freeing:  More than anything women find that after some time they actually feel free after their divorce is over.  Living life for you without compromising with another individual is the most freeing experience a woman can feel.  Embrace the new chapter that is opening.  Your book is open ended after you have experienced a divorce.  Choose new hobbies, get the kids involved in activities that you can enjoy together and start to move forward; creating a new chapter is an incredibly freeing adventure for newly single women.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Adapting To Life After Your Divorce

Divorce is an event within a family that creates a great deal of trauma and emotional distress.  The way that people react to divorce is different.  Each situation garners its own reaction.  For many, it can be quiet a liberating experience that allows them the space they need to grow while others can fall into despair emotionally and financially.

Adapting to life after divorce will depend on the temperament of each individual.  Some newly divorced individuals make full use of this new found freedom and hit the road running towards new horizons and brighter futures.  Other divorcees sulk around thinking about their pasts, scared of their future.   Divorce changes your life in a billion different ways and fortunately sometimes it ends up better.

Individual Liberty

When two people are married they live their lives in a manner that is acceptable to both partners.  Compromise is a large part of any marriage.  The things you like, the places you go and your hobbies start to conform to those of your partners.  This is drastically different than life after divorce After your divorce you are able to live the life you choose.  There is freedom to come and go as you please, socialize with whomever you want to and live without explanation.  This is true in every manner of your new life from your career choice to the food you eat.  Each and every decision you make is your own without compromise.

Fresh Start

When you have gone through a divorce you are enabled to begin living life all over again.  There are no restrictions placed on your new life from anyone else.  If you were ever physically or verbally abused you no longer have to live with that nightmare in the background.  You can choose to move to a new city to start your life; you can travel for awhile or create a plan for your life that you alone are in charge of.  Starting fresh allows you to take the things you want out of your old life with you while leaving the other stuff behind.

Financial Empowerment

When you are married your assets become jointly owned.  When you buy something new when you are married it is influenced by your spouse’s approval or disapproval.  No matter where you are in the relationship, whether you are the higher paid spouse or not you still only have fifty percent of the vote on how to spend or save your financial assets.  Financial empowerment is one of the largest revelations newly divorced people enjoy.  Your money is yours.  You can choose to be thrifty and save it or you can choose to be wasteful and spend it without answering to anyone.  You can live the lifestyle you want.  You no longer need to seek approval.  Your budget is now within your complete control.

There are several positives that come from getting a divorce especially if you were in a marriage that was less than ideal.  That is not to say that divorce is without disadvantages as well.  Single parenting and financial troubles are two side effects that divorce can often bring.  Paying child support and alimony sometimes results in more than fifty percent of your take home pay.  Financial pain can be felt in that now two mortgages are being paid, two utilities, food for two homes etc.  This can be a burden which leads to an unexpected life style change.

Single parenting is no picnic either.  No matter if you have joint custody or full custody or only visitation you are now the sole person responsible for your children when they are with you.  There is never a break in parenting when you are divorced.  This can be difficult for many parents.  You know play all the roles in parenting not just the ones you are comfortable in.  This is a strange zone to enter especially if you played a specific role, such as primary disciplinarian, in parenting.  You will have to figure out a way in which to learn when discipline is necessary and when it isn’t which something that you may have taken for granted that your spouse used to do for you.

If you find yourself at a cross road in your marriage sit down with a divorce attorney to go over what options you have available.  After talking with a family law specialist you may find that working towards reconciliation is a better option for you or you may not.  The point is that you need to thoroughly explore the good, the bad and the ugly of divorce and its aftermath before diving head first.  For most of us marriage was not something we decided upon on a whim; your divorce should not be either.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Choosing A Healthy Divorce

Is there such thing as a healthy divorce?  Does working with one attorney over another make a difference in the health of your relationships once your divorce is finalized?  Believe it or not the attorney you choose to help you throughout your divorce really does change the outcome of your relationships with your ex and your children.  Divorce is difficult.  It is a time that catches you at anything but your best; that is one of the main reasons you need to find an attorney to compliment your end goals and desires.  A divorce attorney that understands this will help make the process and end result easier to handle.

The first thing to understand is that your divorce is not a battle.  Take the right approach from the start.  Find a family law attorney that has this same mindset.  Find an attorney that also doesn’t believe that divorce must be a combat situation.  If you or your attorney go into the process concerned only with winning your divorce turns into a situation that is hurtful, angry and heated.  This is especially harmful if children are involved.  It is important that you work together with your ex.  This will lead to a relationship after divorce that is cohesive and benefits the emotional well being of both you and your children.

There will be many things that will need to be divided up within your divorce.  Consider joint assets for what they are and nothing more.  Yes, the blanket that covered your couch may be super comfy but is it really worth fighting for?  If your ex is really attached to a piece don’t fight them for it.  It is more important that the division of assets is fair.  If you choose to be cooperative throughout the process you will find this may entice your ex to do the same.  Who cares if in the end you need to buy new dishes or sheets?

It may be difficult to begin talking with your spouse about dividing your joint assets. One way to help ease this conversation is by starting out with a written list.  Divide the joint assets up into three categories: things you really want, things you would like and things that don’t really matter.  Compare the list you have created with the list your ex has come up with.  What this accomplishes is a starting point.  You may compare lists and realize that the things you both value are completely different and therefore easier to split.  It also allows for a bit of negotiation as you may choose to give up some of those things that you would like in favor of more important pieces that you really want.  You will find this true of your ex as well.  Your divorce attorneys can set up a time for mediation where this can be discussed in a non-hostile manner.

It is important that you seek legal advice from an attorney that also believes in ending your marriage in a healthy manner.  Having an attorney that helps you remain level headed throughout the divorce process will only help to facilitate a healthy end to your marriage and start to your new life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Steps To Take Before Divorcing

Before a couple decides that their marriage is over and a divorce is inevitable it is advisable to seek out alternative options.  While not every marriage is salvageable it is best to be sure yours isn’t before taking the step to dissolve it permanently.  Divorce is a difficult process not only for you and your spouse but also for your children and extended family.  Strongly consider looking into some or all of the options below before calling it quits.  Divorce is the last step in marriage and considerably one that should be worked to avoid.

Seek out the advice of a divorce attorney even as you try to salvage your marriage as they can also help you to protect yourself in this volatile state.  A divorce attorney has critical advice to share as well as contacts within your local community to help you as you salvage your marriage and thereafter if divorce is the chosen option in the end.

Marriage counseling is the first step that is often recommended to couples who are struggling to keep their marriage intact.  Marriage counseling takes commitment and work from both partners to have any hope at success.  Counseling will help you identify problems in the marriage and work towards resolution.  Even if in the end you feel like a permanent separation in the form of divorce is needed you and your spouse should take away a good deal of information to help lead towards productive communication as issues come about in the divorce and custody process.

A trial separation may be a next step to consider as it will allow you and your spouse to work on your issues apart.  The hard part of a trial separation is when it comes to your children.  Try to work out a solution that allows you to separate but not uproot the children and their day to day routine and activities.  The space that comes with a trial separation is invaluable.  In order for this to be an effective manner in which you continue to work on your marriage you must work together.  Create a timeline so that both parties have specifics on how long the separation will last and what each of you desires upon reconciliation.

When moving forward with either of the above options or both of them it is important that you seek advice from an attorney specializing in divorce.  Seeking council should not be considered a step closer to the dissolution of your marriage but instead as a way to protect yourself if in fact a divorce is inevitable even after marriage counseling and/or a trial separation.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.


Overcoming The Challenges Summer Brings To Divorced Parents

Summer vacation is a difficult time for many working parents.  It is stressful to consider what your children will be doing day in and day out throughout the summer while you are working.  Will they be at summer camp?  How will you afford that extra expense or that of child care?  The challenges faced double when it comes to couples that are divorced and sharing time and expenses.  Below are some of the most common mistakes when it comes to summertime with divorced parents.

Summertime is not the time to have a vague parenting plan or a non-existing one.  A detailed parenting plan is necessary in the summer to make for hassle free planning.  It can also help to avoid the monetary issues related summer plans and your children.  Before summer begins have a detailed written plan that states exactly what weeks the children will be with each parent as well as who is to pay for camps, childcare and other extra activities that come about during the summer.  This will help circumvent issues before they arise.

As a result of the divorce there are fewer finances available for summertime fun.  With this in mind it is important to remember that not everything your children did during the summer prior to the divorce is going to be financially able to be done now.  Money is divided differently and therefore activities that are done are different as well.  This is also the case if one parent stayed home with the children during the summer before you were divorced.  This luxury is most likely not available to parents that are newly divorced and childcare will need to be planned and budgeted for.   It is important to remember that fun times and memories of childhood summers don’t come from money spent rather time spent.

With divorce comes conflict between parents and differences of opinions.  This happens a lot with divorce, parental styles tend to change and summer time makes this more evident than ever before.  When parents are not on the same wave length when it comes to parenting the children can often feel the stress.  Don’t allow yourself to be succumbed to arguing over each and every detail that summer brings.

To avoid chaos over summer vacation it is important that you meet with your divorce attorney to ensure that your parenting plan is detailed and realistic.  If nothing is in place addressing summer directly it is important to have a meeting of the minds.  If there are drastic differences you may want to meet with your divorce attorneys and a mediator to establish a plan, a routine and a financial order to cover the bases of summer.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Women To Women Advice On Your Divorce

Wouldn’t life be wonderful if we could give ourselves advice on experiences before we experienced them?  Divorce is a hindsight 20/20 situation.  Divorce is one of those situations where we need advice before we go through it but often don’t know where to turn.  Other women who have gone though divorce come in to play to help us.  Below are the top ten pieces of advice women give each other when moving through the divorce process.

It can take some time to recover

Just because the divorce process has started or finalized does not mean that there is an automatic switch that will allow you to recover.  Recovering from a divorce is difficult.  You won’t necessarily be able to bounce back and go about your life as it was.  Take time to recover.  You need time to process and heal.  You may feel like you can barely function and that too is okay.  Be ready however because there will come a time when you will be ready to move on and to let yourself heal.

Choose an attorney specializing in divorce

When looking for council don’t settle on an attorney; it is important that you find an attorney that specializes in family law and divorce.  A lawyer that specializes in something other than divorce and family law will not get you the results you want out of your divorce.  A divorce attorney understands all the ins and outs of local law and state nuances.

Analyze your finances

Get as much information as you can about the family finances.  You not only have to have a handle on your own finances but also a grip on all of the accounts within the household.  You should know what payments are coming out automatically, where funds are invested, what bills need to be paid and more.  If possible gather online usernames and passwords so that you are able to look up information as needed.

Consider the future of your living expenses

If you are going to be living on your own it is important that consider the money that you have coming in to decide what you can afford to have outgoing every month.  If you don’t know exactly what you will need you won’t know what to ask for and then may end up sacrificing your own financial needs.

Stop thinking of divorce as failure

Don’t beat yourself up.  Divorce is not about failing or being rejected all it means is that your relationship did not work out.  The sooner you understand that you are not at fault the sooner you will be able to get on with moving on with your life.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.

Tips On Finding A Divorce Attorney

It is hard to know where to turn when you start going through a divorce. This is partially because few of us have had experience with the legal ins and outs.  Don’t waste time trying to find a lawyer to handle your divorce.  Follow the steps below when looking for a divorce attorney specializing in family law.

Be Realistic

Going through a divorce is an emotional journey.  This will be hard but you must be realistic when proceeding with your divorce.  The sole reason you are going through the legal process of divorce is to dissolve the assets you have built up together and to determine the best path for normalcy in your children’s lives. The job of your divorce attorney is not to sit and sympathize with you; they are there to listen but their most important role is to provide you will the best possible outcome for after your divorce.

Stay Focused

This will be harder than it sounds.  The ultimate goal is to stay focused on the end result.  Don’t get caught up in your hatred for ex.  Don’t get too sentimental over the little things when negotiating marital assets; those are just things and can be replaced.  Keep focused on your divorce, getting through the process quickly, ending up with as little financial damage and having your family unit together as much as possible.

Understand The Goal

Know what you want out of your divorce.  Are you looking for a battle where you get each and everything possible from the other person?  Do you want to get through the process with as little ill effect on yourself and your children?  Mediation, with or without the help of a divorce lawyer can often be less expensive than a full blown battle in front of a judge.  Depending on your end goal will determine what type of divorce you will have.

Interview & Research Divorce Attorney’s

Don’t necessarily hire the first attorney you meet.  It is best to meet and interview with at least three different divorce attorneys specializing in family law.  Consider each attorneys retainer fee as well as their hourly rate.  Most attorneys will not negotiate their fees.  Ask for referrals and during your consult be sure to find an attorney that is listening to you and offering you an outcome that you can agree with.

Make A Choice

Now is time to make a decision on an attorney to hire.  Take into consideration the tips above; be realistic, stay focused, know your end goal and find an attorney to represent you that remains in line with your own personal criteria.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Men/Dad’s in divorce.  For experienced representation throughout the divorce process in Trenton, Michigan and the surrounding area you can find more information at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerfordad.com.

Tips To Help Find A Divorce Attorney To Represent You

There is so much more to choosing a divorce attorney then flipping through the yellow pages.  It doesn’t make sense to choose the same attorney that represented you when leasing your first home to also handle your divorce.  Attorney’s all have specialties and it is important to find one that will understand the ins and outs of representing you in your divorce.  Family law attorneys specialize in all things dealing with divorce.  They will represent you not only in your divorce but child custody and support, alimony issues, personal protection orders and restraining orders.  You need an attorney that specializes in the issue at hand, your divorce.

Not only is it important to hire a divorce attorney that specializes in divorce you need to find one that you can comfortably speak with.  Only hire an attorney that you trust and can confide in.  You will need to share with them a lot of information about your marriage including some very private information about yourself and your life together with your partner.

Another important aspect of finding qualified divorce attorney to take on your case is to find an attorney that can speak to you in plain English.  Don’t hire someone that only knows how to speak legalese and can’t relate details of your divorce to you in a manner that you can understand.   You will want to understand the details and exactly what is occurring in your divorce throughout the entire proceedings.

It is crucial that if you have children that your divorce attorney that helps to remind you that they need to come first in every decision that is made in the divorce.  Find an attorney that will help you pursue reasonable demands when it comes to your child custody agreement.  You may be very angry and hurt but you and your attorney should be on the same page when it comes to determining what is best for your children first before the needs of you and your spouse.

The family law, divorce attorney that you choose should be affordable as well.  There is no need to go into deep debt while you are beginning a new life for yourself and your family unit. Expert divorce attorneys who are also affordable are out there to take on your divorce.

Start your search online locating attorneys specializing in divorce and practice law in your area.  This is a perfect time to check them out without the commitment of an afternoon consultation.  Once you have narrowed down a few attorneys that you think fit into what you are looking for call their offices and schedule a time to meet with them to discuss your case in particular.  This short meeting is where you will accumulate the information needed to determine which attorney you feel will represent you and your best interest in your divorce.

Choosing an attorney to represent you in your divorce will not be simple but taking time to find someone qualified, that has your best interests in mind, will pay off for you in the end.

Longton DM, a subsidiary of Longton Law Offices is a divorce attorney specializing in Women/Mom’s in divorce throughout Trenton and the surrounding Michigan areas. Find us at http://www.michigandivorcelawyerforwomen.com.